God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
