But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
