gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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