If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
