I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
