im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
