He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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