and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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