my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
