im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
