Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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