That's when you crack a 10am beer
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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