Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
