Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
