Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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