Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
