I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
