My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
