I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
