He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
