remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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