I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
