Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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