The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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