the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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