dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
