mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
