she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You made out with two different species that night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize