we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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