You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
