imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
