we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
