so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
