I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
