remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
