Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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