Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
