She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
