dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
