hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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