Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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