so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
