shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
