I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize