I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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