my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
