It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
