Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
