There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just pee around me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
