Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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