Don't make out with my wife yet
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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