I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
