Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
