im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
