What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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