Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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