i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
