his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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