I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize