I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
