Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
