1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize