Ketchup is God's man juice
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i think im in europe. pls send help
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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