I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
