very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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