i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
