You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
