we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
