I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
