I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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