that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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