I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
