Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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