i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She told me I should be a condom model.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
