Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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