omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
