It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
