youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
