I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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