As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
