Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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