I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
