May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
