There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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