Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
