He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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