so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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