Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
