You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
