someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
