Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
