Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
