she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
