She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize