3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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