to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
