I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
where am i from again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
