so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
