You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
