i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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