I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
