he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
