It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
