There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
