you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
