my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
